How to Get Rich Quick Online – Honest

How to Get Rich Quick Online – Honest

There are hundreds, nay thousands, of websites out there promising the secrets to getting rich quick online. They all make it sound so easy, explaining how you’ll be jacking in your job in no time and living the life of luxury with an automated income continually refilling your bank account.

Become a millionaire, earn cash, get rich – whatever the language, the message is the same: Follow my secrets and you too can be obscenely wealthy without leaving the sofa!

Is it possible? Can you be so successful that your biggest worry is whether you can get the sand from that Caribbean beach out of your laptop as you check your cash-flow before your afternoon swim?

After studying the plethora of get rich quick websites (well, ten minutes searching sites in Google), here is my guaranteed* plan for 100% financial success with minimal effort.

1. Any old website will do

Don’t let people try to convince you that design, talent and skill is important in building a successful website. Many get rich quick schemes will supply you with a template-driven complete website based on their own. Sure, you need to pay them for this site, but you wouldn’t begrudge them getting rich quick while you do, right?

It doesn’t matter that they sell the same website to hundreds of people, meaning that there is no difference between your online presence and a steady flow of other suckers – ummm, entrepreneurs. After all, why reinvent the wheel? If this website design and content worked for one person, surely it can work for you as well? And the next three hundred?

Marketers will try and tell you that, without an individual template and unique content you have no chance. Ignore them – they just want to charge you money. Marketers and professional web designers have spent years in training and developing detailed experience to learn what this guy on the internet told you in five minutes. Who looks silly now?

2. Use the right imagery

People want to dream of success. So fill your website with images of luxury cars, beach front properties and private jets. I’m sure no one will guess that you’re really dressed in your underwear and typing the website on your sister’s computer in the basement. You’ve got to dream to achieve. Anyway, the power of the internet is being able to chat with women without having to clean the gravy stain out of your vest.

I’m sure if you repeatedly use images of Ferraris, Armani suits and palatial mansions, it won’t look shallow or materialistic.

3. Sex sells

That’s right! You don’t need an excuse. Just keep adding images of bikini-clad supermodels and pouting babes on every page. Better yet, select one as your avatar on social media sites. This way, other pathetic loners will think they are talking to an uber-babe and may check out your website. Sexy avatar means more traffic.

Just remember the first law of the internet: All sexy women are really overweight unemployed truck drivers or skinny, socially awkward geeks who can no longer stand in direct sunlight without combusting.

4. Money, money, money

It doesn’t matter if you have nothing interesting to say – just go on about what you want to do when (if) you become rich. Make sure your header image is full of dollar signs. After all, if you offered something genuinely interesting or useful for readers on your website, you’d be distracting them from the main goal – giving you money!

The fact no one has given you any money yet just highlights that your copy isn’t saying enough about money and how easy it is to get rich online. Add some more.

5. Longest home page wins!

Would you trust a website that quickly got to the point on the home page in a couple of lines before linking to further pages inside? The scroll-bar was invented for a reason, so not using it is just a waste!

Never mind having multiple pages on your website – if possible cram all your information onto the home page, scrolling for three or four miles. Anyone faced with that amount of information in one sitting is sure to be impressed with your effort and read every word of every line before making an informed decision.

Don’t make it easier by breaking content into sections; such as Testimonials or Order Now. Everything should be contained on the one page. If a reader knows they can easily skip to a different section, they may not read everything and then they may miss your fantastically hilarious story in paragraph 156. You know, the one where you were turned down by a girl in fifth grade because she thought you were a loser but now you’re going to show her ‘cause you’ll soon make enough money to cover the hosting costs of your website.

6. Design is for wimps

The goal is to get rich QUICK. It can’t be quick if you have to waste time reading books or learning how to build an attractive website. I’m sure a lime-green design with pink lettering won’t affect your conversion rate.

Here’s a tip: if you search the net, you can find lots of wonderful bits of code, animated images and flashy backgrounds for free. Cram as many as possible into one website.

They can be great attention-getters – readers won’t forget your site in a hurry. Don’t worry if some of these moving images or rolling banners obscure some of your copy or the flashing multi-coloured background makes everything harder to read. That just means your website visitors have to give you more attention to understand your offer. Surely they won’t click away when they see the effort you’ve gone to.

This is your website bling-bling and bling always looks cool – right?

7. AdSense and affiliate links

Yup, many get rich quick sites cram the pages with as much click advertising as possible. Don’t worry if it breaks up the design or shoves any interesting content below the fold (ie; off the screen). The more ads you get in the page, the more chances you have of someone clicking on one and earning you a few cents.

Of course, to get the amount of traffic to your website to get a reasonable number of clicks, you need decent content to attract them. But don’t make the mistake of thinking the content is more important than the advertising. We all love having our content interrupted by advertising don’t we? I can’t see why they don’t put commercial breaks in the middle of popular films now, anyway! Surely people will keep coming back to click on more of your ads. Surely. Please?

Conclusion

Remember, the object of the exercise is to get rich QUICK with no effort, no skill, no imagination and no real value to the reader or customer. If you don’t achieve huge financial returns quickly, don’t start looking at ways to improve your site by going to professionals – they only charge money after all. We want money coming in, not going out! Investment, marketing, business plans and customer satisfaction are all over-rated concepts used by professional agencies and web consultants wanting to earn money off your dreams. All except the guy who sold you the website and the concept in the first place – I’m sure he’s a stand-up bloke.

Finally, if the riches don’t flood in and things don’t turn out to be as simple as you thought, make sure you trash the internet to everyone you know. Bitch about it on forums. Post nasty comments on those websites that are successful – they must be cheating, after all. Blame Google. Blame the average internet user. Never, ever accept that you are at fault or should try harder.

If you are still convinced of the power of the internet to turn you into a millionaire in months with no effort, send me your email address and bank account details. I’ll automatically subscribe you to my fantastic e-book series How to Get Rich With e-Book Subscriptions — I’m sure I can throw a few tired blog posts together into a pdf. To make life even easier, I’ll set up the direct debit from your account for you.

*I guarantee that this is a plan, not that the plan will work.

Comments

  1. With a guarantee like that, how could I pass it up? Here, take all my money! I’m sure I’ve got some around here…

  2. It took a 2nd time through for me to realize that this was extreme tongue in cheek…call me slow. Given the trash that comes across my screen, he’s right on the money. It’s fustrating to play this internet game, and difficult to maintain any degree of integrity while doing it.

  3. Mary-Anne says

    When are we going to come to terms with the fact that only really hard work produces any form of benefit to us? The concept may be good but it all requires effort and work. Good Luck to all.

  4. Getting rich is not a station inside the Tube rail. And no ticket is available at any counter to rich to such a station. In fact, it is an edifice made from sweat, no sleep, burning night oil, hard work, adherence to full proof method and not rushing behind the bandwagon of $$$$$. No doubt money is necessary but money is earned and without toil and hardwork money cannot come to your coffer.
    So i think before rushing to click any FREE FREE FREE links think twice and scour the web and reach to a final decision. Otherwise, deleting the junk mails from your inbox will be hard and you will have to employ one to delete those unwanted mails.
    Thanks you for this informative and eye opening post.

  5. Melissa says

    Quite funny. You had me second guessing myself for a few seconds there. I have been getting turned off lately by blogs that offer so little content or amusement. Thank you for making me laugh after a night of otherwise mundane entrecard dropping, trying to draw traffic. I’ll keep it in mind – content is number 1.